It's time to talk. It's time to write. Primarily because Lisa is asleep, however also because I think there is something to say. You meet people you love and normally it's a friend (or more) and it starts with common interests and fun. The more in depth the more likely there is friction, and the wheat from the chaff happens pretty quickly. Long lasting relationship or 'I gained another Facebook friend.'. Then sometimes it comes apart disjointedly, with either party not quite in the same place as the other. In break ups this happens a lot; someone is happy to move on whereas another is 'heartbroken' - chocolate, Netflix and so on... In friendships it tends to just fizzle out, as more often than not someone moves, but then when you meet up, its fine. So what was this? I'm not sure? We got jobs, I fell in love with the family and somewhere I just didn't stay on top of the bad stuff. We went from good to bad and no one is really sure why. It's a shame and it hasn't left me, it shouldn't matter at all. Truly. But for some reason it keeps me awake. Queen Mary Falls was a strange part of our trip, the family we stayed with amazing, trustworthy and beautiful. We fed parrots, I joined a rugby team (which I haven't been brave enough to do ever) and played badly. Loved every second; and once again we fed parrots. We worked, listened to new spirit guides... enjoyed ourselves and met some amazing people. Then it just went bad. Things just do that, we aren't sure why. They had more important things to worry about. There it is, what do you do? My whole life I have taken this as a problem, a thing to hurl my emotions and intelligence against until everyone understands and is happy. This isn't that. Do you walk away from people you know you could help or do you not? Sometimes you do. It's an odd sensation. Sometimes there is so much worry, so much stress that you have to walk away and hope that people stay strong and weather what is in front of them! I suppose this is partly for them. It taught me a lot though, you can't rampage through life expecting everything to be mailable and forced to where you want it to go. There are times when things are immovable, solid and you learn to move around or you dash yourself against it. We will always be open to them for the kindness they showed us.
That said, what a way to move on. A slice of home which showed me something else: a stark contrast between me and my loved ones. It couldn't have come at a better time. I was down and struggling badly with what I just placed into a few paragraphs above. Then came my big brother. Sometimes that's all you need. With all his scaredy cat, rule abiding ways thrust into my recently relaxed, 'no boundaries' life style. Four of us in a van, two beds with no walls, different ideas of what is fun and richard trapped without wifi... It was a recipe for disaster. But it wasn't, it was amazing.
It scratched an itch both me and lisa have felt quite sharply: experiencing some of the best moments of our lives and wishing we could show it to people we care about. It's an odd thing finding a secret lake without another soul, to suddenly realise how much better it would be with the added bonus of looking across, and seeing the same beauty reflected in the face of the favourites. Different people would fit different circumstances, I find myself sitting round a table talking too loudly; a few drinks deep and wish I had my lads around to meet the people they would find hilarious. I see a new bird and scramble for the Wanda of my life to reflect the imaginary tick off the list. I hit a mountain peak and still the child in me wants my mother and father to be a bit scared for me. Where are the Muslims and Atheists when I need to get deep? Every moment is backlit by my sister, Josh and Dione. We had that now and drank it up. It was excitable, new and gave us another way of seeing New Zealand. Wild pigs, rainy BBQ's, wanda's chocolate wrapper diaries and me being clearly declared skimming God.
We wondered if Richards cautious nature would stop him from seeing it in it's full glory. I believe however, most of you will have seen the video of Wanda losing the use of her right hand while he pretended to be a gopro 'hero'. In fairness he did hike up a glacier...
Our favourite things were made better by sharing them, and seeing how long Wanda was willing to sit and wait for the bird to come back. Even if Richard was chewing his nails that we needed to get on the road. We might miss checking in to our van... Jumping across rivers listening to warnings that I would end up a 'bloody and broken corpse'! Then turning round to see him tip toeing across gaps and jumping to make it across. Chuffed. The van seemed more than enough space and only a few differences made themselves apparent. I wasn't used to deadlines and the time pressure I hadn't noticed has evaporated from life. I hadn't noticed that I wasn't as scared of as many things until I saw a clear difference in my brothers sense of fear. It's odd to realise that you didn't know things about someone you thought you knew everything about until you see them in a different setting. Would you be shocked that he likes to teach when he is nervous? I found it some of it grated at first but instead of staying grating and being left raw, bits shaved off and it ran smoothly. We are very different people, but when I was stupid enough to take my snow jacket off, who did I hide my bare arms and face behind when the helicopter came to throw shards of ice? Thanks.
We have learnt before, and now think nothing of asking extra favours. Richard only cringed until the beautiful kiwis just simply said yes. "If you don't ask, you don't get!" We were the only people on the tour of Weta studios and our geekdom managed to make it over run by half an hour with our questions. We had steak over an open fire set up by a caravan park owner at ten at night... after hiking down a glacier with new people we met. He simply clinked beers with me. After taking a photo of the beer for Facebook of course! He proceeded to tell me I was wrong, 'of course the fire was hot enough'. I couldn't have been happier. There is nothing like an older brother to knock the living arrogance that a few months of wandering free of family allows you to accumulate. I hate it but it's good for me. He found his stride I think. Wanda as always seemed to just carry on walking and managed to see a wild kiwi. Lucky ****.
It's interesting how I think we brought the best out of each other (obviously in the most argumentative way) but he clipped my cocky little wings and I forced him to get out of the car and walk across a really high, unreliable swing bridge. It rained of course, and we still skimmed rocks.